iMammogram

I hate mammograms.  I really do.  Maybe I’m the extra sensitive sort, but they hurt!  And it’s cold in there!  In this freezing cold room you have to wait in your little half tablecloth that is open in the front and not really closed anywhere, to get the bloody hell squeezed out of two of your most tender parts.  Brutal I tell you!

Last month I begrudgingly had it done with much whining to friends and family.  It was all the reminders on Facebook that finally did it.  The ones like “My friends who were only 32 and 35 DIED of breast cancer.  Go get your mammograms!” and “Don’t leave your children behind!  Get your mammograms ladies!”

So I finally said to my flaming conscience, “For crying out loud!  Fine!  I’ll do it!  Just stop the depressing reminders already!”  I dug out my Mammogram letter.  The one that said, “Your mammogram is due immediately.  Schedule a day in January immediately.” (And yes it did actually say Immediately twice.  See how pushy these people are?)  I got it done in September, only 9 months late.

But I was thinking wouldn’t it be nice if you could just take your own picture and send it in?  Like an email attachment?  That would be awesome.  All we need is an app on the iphone with X-Ray abilities, right?  So this is how it would work.  In the comfort and privacy of your own warm home, you take your iphone and someone else’s iphone (Preferably someone like a husband, boyfriend, or very close friend who doesn’t mind your breast being literally all over their phone.) You turn the app on, smash your breast in between the phones and push the buttons.  Of course depending on the size of said breasts you might have to do this several times.  And for particularly breast-gifted women, the iPad app might be preferable.  As soon as you push the buttons the image would be saved to your photo album.  From here it would be easily sent off in an email to your radiologist or doctor of choice.  How amazing would that be?!

So get crackin’ you app developer people.  And as soon as you perfect this technology, you can start working on iSonogram.  Just think!  Facetime with your unborn baby for the traveling parent!!  Genius!!